trick or treat… grant style

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NSF_trick.or.treat

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“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” -Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.

This is only a small part of an article from Psychology Today. It can be found in its entirety here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-signs-gaslighting-in-relationship

People who gaslight typically use the following techniques:

1. They tell blatant lies.

2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.

3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

4. They wear you down over time.

5. Their actions do not match their words.

6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you. 

7. They know confusion weakens people. 

8. They project.

9. They try to align people against you.

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.

11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.

The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker you can identify them and avoid falling into the gaslighter’s trap.

“9 Non-Threatening Leadership Strategies for Women” by Sarah Cooper

http://thecooperreview.com/non-threatening-leadership-strategies-for-women/

“When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you’re telling them what to do and more like you care about his opinions.”  😀

example1c

 

A 40-ager’s thoughts… a disservice?

Just last night (2a.m.) I was made aware of some very, shall we say, extremely unacceptable actions perpetrated by my daughter’s now-ex-boyfriend, against my precious daughter.

Suffice it to say, this ‘man’ — and I use that word loosely — better hope he doesn’t run into me in a dark alley right now.

One aspect that caused me the most sadness is that she didn’t feel like she could tell me about the incidents — back when they had actually occurred. She said she was embarrassed. Of course, she had/has nothing to be embarrassed about. And if he-who-shall-not-be-named had the moral compass to be embarrassed himself, as he rightly should have been, then things would never have escalated to the point they did.

On the flip side, one aspect that gave me the most relief is the number of true friends of her’s that rallied around her to offer support, pep talks, and their time. It’s good to know that in the event she has a boyfriend that turns out to be a shmuck, she does still have REAL friends. What a shame though, since a boyfriend should ultimately be your BEST friend. :-/

So.
A thought that (re)occurred to me was that maybe I have been being selfish all these years — by not making an effort to actually find a relationship of my own. By not setting an example for her of what a good, healthy, fun, fantastic relationship can, and should, be between a couple.

I do admit that I am sometimes lonely… that I do actually enjoy being ‘one half of a whole’… and that maybe I’ve failed in this aspect of setting a good example for my kid. Goodness knows her father has never set a good example for her, in any aspect of life. Guess it falls to me as a ‘true single parent’ to try and get this part of my life in order. :-/